Pansexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a potential aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for anybody, including people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction.
The more I meet amazing gender non-binary people and understand more about the gender spectrum (I knew almost nothing about non-binary genders a year ago), the more I realize how little gender affects who I like to be around and who I could potentially fall in love with. Until recently I identified as bisexual because that’s what I felt best described my attractions, but now I think pansexual is more accurate. It’s interesting seeing how my understanding of myself has deepened and changed over the years; for most of my life I thought I was straight, then I was very tentatively bi-curious, then last year I came out officially as bi. Now I’ve been out as bi for almost a year, and I’m realizing it’s no longer the best fitting label.
I love finding out new things about myself. But coming to terms with changing my label yet again took me a little while. When my beliefs officially changed a few years ago, so many major labels changed for me in a seemingly short period of time- Christian to atheist, conservative to mostly liberal (in American politics), Pro Life to Pro Choice, Pro-Traditional Marriage to Pro-LGBTQ rights… People were confused and angry and hurt because I wasn’t the same person to them anymore. Labels meant everything to many of them, and they saw me as having changed “sides” in a culture war instead of simply growing and maturing as an adult. And since I hadn’t felt comfortable confiding these emerging changes to most people because I knew they’d react negatively, all they saw was the end result and not the process.
I was accused of being easily changeable and flighty, even though I had put much thought and time into every one of those changes. I’m not actually easily changeable at all; I’m just open to changing things as my knowledge and experience show me better ways to think or act or identify. But I think that negative association with changing labels stuck with me, and the idea of making yet another change made me hesitant to acknowledge it.
Plus, I’ve gone through SO many changes these past few years I was like “Really?! Another one already? Seriously, this self-growth stuff is exhausting…”
But as with all these many other changes, my curiosity and desire to be the best and most authentic version of myself made it impossible for me to ignore my changing mindset for long. So I’m making it official- I’m pan, not bi. And I’m feeling good about it.
But man, now I have to once again update my bio on my blog and on fet and on Facebook and Pinterest and likely several others too… Meh I’ll get to them all eventually. lol