Musings on Love

abbe2097a5d43d479e860eb214022357One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, First Knight:

Arthur: God uses people like you, Lancelot. Because your heart is open. You hold nothing back. You give all of yourself.
Lancelot: If you knew me better, you would not say such things.
Arthur: Oh, hey, I take the good with the bad, together. I can’t love people in slices.

God stuff aside, this scene really sums up my thoughts about love.

**We can’t love people in slices.** Love, whether it’s romantic or platonic, is not complete if we attach conditions to it. People are not two dimensional caricatures; we are complex, multi-faceted beings that embody both good and bad, intelligence and ignorance, happiness and sadness, strength and weakness. If we only accept the parts that we like about people, then we’re not truly accepting them at all. Instead, we’re holding affection for a false version of them that we have in our heads. It’s like photoshopping a picture of someone and only ever wanting to look at that fake, touched up version of them instead of seeing the actual person. It’s not real, it’s not really them, but we prefer it that way because their real self is not acceptable to us.

If I can’t accept you as you are, do I truly love you or care about you? Or do I only like the plasticized version of you that I’ve created in my head? I don’t think we can say we truly love someone without actually accepting them as they are.

Now it’s true that we’re not always going to like everything a person does or thinks. We may have very different interests and beliefs and feel very strongly about these things being good or bad, and that’s ok. Accepting and loving someone as they are doesn’t mean you personally have to like or do those things, it just means you accept that the other person does, and you don’t look down on them for it. It means that you love the WHOLE them, even if you disagree or dislike some of it. At least that’s how I’ve personally come to see it.

If you get to know me well enough, I’m sure we will eventually disagree on something. I’m very opinionated, after all. 😉 I like seeing intelligent minds sharing their differing opinions in a respectful way. Listening to the perspectives of others is how we learn and grow. If we only ever talk to people who share all of our views, we’ll never be challenged to think anything new.

It should be noted that there’s a huge difference between accepting people as they are and putting up with toxic or abusive behavior, or dealing with a loved one suffering from addiction or obviously self destructive behavior. There are other serious issues at play in these situations besides simply accepting or not accepting someone.

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