In my last blog post, I officially came out as bisexual. Over the past couple months, I have been doing a lot of research on bisexuality because I’ve had suspicions that I might be bi. But I had a lot of societal misconceptions in my head, so I had to do some research before I felt comfortable identifying as bisexual. I wasn’t sure if that’s who I was, because I didn’t even really know what it was to begin with! So here are some things I’ve learned about being bisexual.
This video also explains bisexuality very well! I’d strongly advise checking it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmwi-475VIM
- You do not have to have sex with or even make out with someone to know if you’re bisexual, or any orientation really. Did you have to have sex to know you were straight? Sexual orientation is about attractions, sexual activity is separate. A nun still has a sexual orientation even if she stays a virgin forever, she just doesn’t act on it. As of the time this article was written, I haven’t dated any women yet- I’ve just finally realized that I’m attracted to them.
- Bisexuals are not attracted to everyone. When you walk down the street, are you automatically attracted to every person of the opposite gender that you see? Do you want to date every single opposite-gender friend or co-worker? Of course not- sexual attraction goes far beyond just genitalia! Just because I am friends with a girl or a guy does not mean I want to date them or that I want to imagine them naked. There’s no need to feel weird around me, just treat me like any of your other friends of either gender and we’ll get along just fine.
- Bisexuals are often accused of being more unfaithful, promiscuous, or more into threesomes. This is not true. Those traits are completely separate from your sexual orientation- straight people and gay people can also be unfaithful, have a lot of sex, or love threesomes. Do not confuse sexual orientation with a person’s moral character, the amount of sex they have, or the kind of sex they like.
- Bisexuals are NOT confused. While there are many people who do experiment for a time to discover what their sexual orientation is, this is different than being bisexual. I’ve tried a lot of different kinds of foods, but I’m not going to love everything I taste. Experimenting to find out what your orientation might be is not the same as being bisexual.
- Bisexuals are not greedy. Are you greedy for liking blondes and brunettes? For liking tall and short people? Of course not. That would be foolish to imply. (People really do say this stuff!)
- Bisexuals get more dates. Sure, we can date both guys and girls, but many people harbor judgmental attitudes about bisexuals so that sometimes shrinks our dating pool. We do have a more diverse range of potential dates in regards to gender, but we also have to deal with a helluva lot more misconceptions and judgements too.
- Bisexuals DO EXIST. I can’t tell you how many people actually don’t believe bisexuals exist. Some say that bi people are really gays that haven’t fully come out yet. Others think they are doing it for attention and actually only like one or the other. Still others think it’s a phase and they’ll “make up their mind” eventually. Nope! Being bisexual is a real orientation, and it’s not your place to tell me who I’m attracted to and who I’m not. You’re not in my head. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
- Bisexuals don’t turn straight or gay when they enter a monogamous relationship. Do you stop being attracted to girls with blonde hair just because you marry a brunette? Of course not- you just don’t act on those attractions because you’re in a relationship! If you like black people and white people and you date a black person, do your attractions for white people disappear? No, you’re just not acting on them because you’ve committed to your partner. It’s no different with gender.
Now for the purpose of this blog and my own personal preferences, I’ve been referring to guys and girls. Gender is actually not binary, it’s more of a spectrum, and many people fall more into the middle of the spectrum. Pansexuals are attracted to people across all parts of the spectrum- all genders and sexes. For myself personally, I tend to be more attracted to people who fall on the opposite ends of the gender spectrum, which is why I identify as bisexual as opposed to pansexual (although pansexual could potentially identify me as well, I just feel like bisexual describes me best at this point. I wouldn’t rule out being attracted to a transgender person, etc.) This video explains the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv5k9+w6Hpi4&index=13&list=PLTXiNEUzXWKT9xrbU3aUxqYloEL_W-8rr
As with any label that we use to identify ourselves, it’s just a word- we are not limited to these labels, WE define our labels, our labels do not define us; it’s just the words we use to describe ourselves. If you realize that your current label no longer fits you and you find another one that fits you better, it’s ok to use that one. If you don’t identify with any label (and yes there are people like this) that’s ok too.